“What do you say when ...?“ Office small talk
Hayley Neal / Briefing #376-7 / January 2010 /
It's Monday morning. Another working week begins. You walk through the office hallway, thinking about the tasks you need to get done today. You make eye contact with a colleague, and throw out a casual, “Hey, how was your weekend?” He looks tired, and he stares blankly into the distance and replies restlessly, “My girlfriend walked out. She's been sleeping with my best mate.” Do you automatically respond by wondering what the office boundaries are for over-sharing? Are you filled with compassion or judgement for your colleague? Or do you feel just plain uncomfortable, and blush? What words, if any, do you reply with?
We know that we should speak, but often we Christians find ourselves out of our depth, and don't know how to respond. Whether because of fear, timidity or an inability to articulate something helpful in the moment, we miss great opportunities, and prove ineffective in witnessing to our broken world.
So what is the silver bullet? How do you build enough humble confidence to talk with someone who doesn't share the same values as you? And how on earth do you seize the opportunity with something creative to say that will point people to Jesus in conversation?
The hard thing that we all know about conversations is that you can't rehearse them. So instead of giving you the silver bullet (which doesn't exist, by the way), let me show you how the gospel transforms our conversations. Let's have a look at a second attempt at the conversation with the colleague. As an evangelistic endeavour, how would you rate it? A success? A failure? Something in between?
You: How was your weekend?
Colleague: My girlfriend walked out. She's been sleeping with my best mate.
You: Oh, ah … yeah. Um … sorry mate, you must be floored. Can't believe you made it to work today. Did you want to grab lunch today and chat?
Colleague: Lunch would be good … But don't worry about me. I'll be all right.
You: All right? If I were you, I would be devastated—and pretty angry.
Colleague: Really?
You: You wouldn't be? I reckon you've got every right to feel hurt.
Colleague: Well, yeah, hmm. I suppose I'm heaps angry. It's just so humiliating. I feel like such an idiot; I didn't see it coming. Anyway let's chat at lunch.
Although this conversation has not yet articulated the gospel, it demonstrates the kind of compassion the gospel explicates. It makes assumptions that the gospel would have us make: we make gospel assumptions when we share just a slice of the gospel in an attempt to show that Jesus is worth considering or reconsidering.
So what are the gospel assumptions in this particular situation? Firstly, broken relationships and life experiences impact us. Secondly, broken relationships (and betrayal) hurt. When your non-Christian colleague feels betrayed and breaks up with someone he has been sleeping with, you can assume that it will have an effect on him and that he will be hurting. It is worth expressing that you think that what's happened is sad, even though you think premarital sex is wrong.
In these types of situations, some of these gospel assumptions can help us respond creatively. You can:
- Affirm that people are made for relationship and intimacy, which sex can either affirm or injure
- Recognize the hurt and betrayal in the situation because you know the bonding power of sex
- Share a positive apologetic for marriage—that, “As a Christian, I view sex as best kept for marriage—where security and commitment are fostered”
- Acknowledge (if appropriate and relevant) the pain of being separated from someone you have enjoyed sexual intimacy with (whether that intimacy has occurred within or outside of marriage). Perhaps over time, you might like to explore the controversial topic of forgiveness.
Perhaps, if your colleague raises more things about God or if you feel that there is a natural link to this, you could share with them a helpful illustration from John Dickson's A Sneaking Suspicion:
The media ‘sexperts’ can fool us into believing a Datsun view of sex. Lend it out. It's not that special. But in God's eyes, sex is more like a Porsche. It is valuable. It demands care. It is something precious to us (and to him), not merely the machinery by which we get about and enjoy ourselves.1
Gospel assumptions apply just as much to the Christian as they do to our unbelieving friends who may have a more try-before-you-buy approach to sex and relationships. The gospel applies to us all because this is God's world, so let us make use of the gospel in showing the love of Christ to not just our work colleagues, but to the world.
Endnote
1 John Dickson, A Sneaking Suspicion, Matthias Media, Kingsford, 2004 (1992), p. 17.
