Most of us want a good sex-life. So how do we get it? How can you be sure to experience the best sex you can get? You could listen to the 'experts' on sex, or the 'sexperts' for short. They're everywhere and they've got heaps to say about the topic. You'll find them on TV, on radio and, if the number of pages is anything to go on, magazines would have to be the most expert of the lot. And what's the message of the mags? Although the photos change from article to article the main point never changes--if you want to do it, do it, but do it safe!

Then there's the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. Surely if anyone knows how to bring sex to the masses it's these guys. It's the largest annual "cultural" event in the country, and it's all about sex. There's groovy music, bright costumes, risque choreography, and a message that booms out loud and clear to the whole country--sex is about the freedom to do and be whatever you want!

And of course the movies can bring us the closest thing to the real thing in full technicolour and surround sound. In fact, with the help of gorgeous actors, stirring background music and the big screen, what they deliver is even better than the real thing. And what's the message of the sexperts in the movies? The best sex happens when you're beautiful and not married (at least not married to the person you want to have the best sex with)!

Take the film The People vs Larry Flynt as an example. Larry Flynt, who was the editor of one of the world's top selling men's magazines, is rated as one of the great sexual 'heroes' of the 20th century. In the film Larry is this heroic businessman who has to fight against the intolerance and self-righteousness of some sections of American society. Larry has a life full of excitement, pleasure and most of all, freedom. That's until some closed-minded bigot shoots him. Our hero now has to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair, paralyzed. Larry is more than a hero. He's a martyr--someone who sacrifices so much in his fight for sexual freedom. That's how the film goes, anyway.

But if you scratch beneath the surface of all the hype you find some pretty interesting facts. Turns out the real Flynt was by all reports a greedy businessman with an insatiable sexual appetite; an appetite that has led to all sorts of allegations against him concerning sleezy, oppressive and demeaning sexual activity. Ask his daughter, she was the one protesting outside the opening night telling everyone not to believe the lie presented in the film. She's accused him of sexually abusing her and others.

Finding this out made me realize that the Larry Flynt film is a good example of what's true of nearly all our sexperts. On the surface they seem to be the great promoters and freedom-fighters for sex, but when you scratch beneath the beautifully glossy surface, it's just the opposite. The promoters turn out to be de-moters; their fight doesn't bring freedom, it sets a trap, which many of us fall into.

The magazines aren't really interested in giving advice that will lead to the best sex life. They tell us what they think we want to hear, so that we'll keep buying the magazine, so that advertisers will keep buying advertising space, so that they'll keep making money.

If they thought you wanted to hear, "Be celibate!", that's exactly what they'd be saying. Although they go on and on about sex, they don't value sex at all, except as a way of selling magazines.

The same is true of the movies and the Mardi Gras. On the surface they look like they're fighting for sexual freedom, but scratch beneath the gloss and it turns out they're really promoting sexual selfishness, triviality and unfaithfulness.

Let me explain. My first car was an orange Datsun 1200. It got me from A to B, but it really was a rust bucket. It only cost me a thousand bucks, so I didn't treat it too well and had no problem lending it out to any of my mates. I figured that if they crashed it, it was no big deal. Suppose though, I owned the latest Porsche. I can assure you, there is no way I'd be letting any of my mates anywhere near it, let alone in the driver's seat. A valuable car like that needs respect and the utmost care.

It seems to me that the sexperts of our society have sucked us into a Datsun view of sex. Lend it out. It's not that special. Don't worry about rules and guidelines.

But in God's eyes, sex is more like a Porsche. It is valuable. It demands care. It is something precious to us, not just the machinery we use to get around and enjoy ourselves. God is not against sex, he's very much for it. One whole book of the Bible is devoted to celebrating the value and beauty of sex (it's called Song of Songs, check it out for yourself). It's not as if Adam and Eve discovered sex one day and thought, "Oops, let's not tell God. He's bound to get annoyed." Remember, the Creator is creative. He could have invented a method of having kids that involved spitting on each other's big toe, if he had wanted to. But instead, he invented sex--fantastic, enjoyable, intimate and exciting. And because sex is so valuable, God has given some very smart guidelines and rules for its enjoyment and to keep us from getting hurt. The sexperts usually say these guidelines are restrictive and boring, but that might just be because they have been fooled into thinking that the Porsche is a Datsun.

Actually, God's insistence that we enjoy sex in the context of a life-long relationship of loyalty and trust, is the most liberating and meaningful sexpert advice around. When you're in bed with someone who has promised to devote their life to you for keeps, the experience is so much better. For a start there is a deep, mutual trust--something that is essential for great sex, and near impossible to find in a casual sexual relationship. More than that, because you're with your life-time partner for a life-time, you have all the time in the world to get better and better at enjoying each other physically. The desire to get what you want while you can (a very selfish and unsatisfying approach to sex) gives way to a desire to give all you can for as long as can (a very satisfying approach to sex). The pressure to 'perform' (something that often hinders 'performance') gives way to mutual acceptance and enjoyment of each other (something that often heightens 'performance'). That's just a couple of the benefits of God's rules about sex. The list could go on and on.

I'm sure most of us want the best sex we can get. But there's no way we're going to experience it if we listen to the advice of the modern sexperts. Bizarre as it may sound to some, the best sex advice comes from God, the ultimate 'sexpert'.

Copyright 1997 Matthias Media. All rights reserved.